i always have many things to say to you most of the time, especially when we hardly get the chance to meet these days. however, i always don't get the chance. you're really busy studying, and i'm glad that you are working hard for your own future!

sometimes my irrationality gets the better of me and i get annoyed when you don't make an effort to catch up with me, as in ask me how i am and etc via a normal conversation (texting doesn't really help yknow.) yeah and so i get annoyed. and you don't understand that i'm like this sometimes. insecure and feeling lonely. i wanted some form of assurance from you, something that tells me we're still together, and not just friends. yeah but you just said you only wanted to study. that's something rather terrible to hear.

when you're facing issues you don't tell me as well. i don't know why. maybe you have always just regarded me as a friend whom you don't share alot of things with. or maybe you think i'm redundant and just some burden. i can infer all sorts of negative things from your messages really. sort of just kills my mood. i was trying to catch up with you (i.e. trying to find out more about what's happening in your life bla bla) yeah but if you don't wanna share or anything, then i'll just back off srsly.

ahh and another thing, you're the one who said the heart emoticon represented love. so when i didn't put it you didn't as well. i thought you were mature enough to not follow me. but looks like you don't love me anymore as well lol. you were hardly like this. yeah so i guess i'm not that special anymore. and as time passes, ... yeah...

hmm i'm facing alot of troubles now. i just learnt that my grandma is diagnosed with cancer, and she doesn't have long to live. i hardly get to see her... like only once or twice a year. i feel really helpless. i wanna be there with her last few months or something. i want her to see me get confirmed in church, and receive a prize on speech day and things like that. i wanna go out to the beach with her, i want to taste her homecooked food, and be there to entertain her. the hard reality is that i can't.

and i've put in effort for chinese, yet i'm not reaping what i sowed. i got 0/20 for zonghetiankong -.- and i barely passed all the 3 tests i've taken so far. it's disappointing. and i failed a chem prac test as well. something's really wrong.

haha... really sad i've to resort to this to rant. you're in the same school as me, the very same country, yet you feel really very far away from me. i've things to tell you via texts, but after you reply hours later, i have already forgotten what to say. and it just reminds me that afterall, you hardly care anymore. you don't bother to call nor anything. every night there's a part of me that hopes you'll talk to me properly. i don't care if it's like once a week only or what. it keeps us together. now, nothing is.

maybe things would be better for you if we didn't end up together. i know you're unwell, hope you'll get well soon. i would definitely do something for you. but you show no intention of wanting to see me or anything so i guess not. hope you'll be fine soon. pull yourself together. anyway i think even facebook can make you feel better than i do i guess. lol. it's really sad that i've become so useless after almost 9months.
jy... love.