somewhere only we know

it's sort of the last time we meet today... don't understand why you want kallang macs lol. wish it is a little more impt to you.

past few days i've been thinking you were a jerk, you didn't bother to talk to me (as a friend), and i thought you wouldn't let me go so easily. i mentioned breakup cos you needed time to study. when i found out you had time to go to stuff like cip, eds concert, go to the pub, play basketball ( i saw you that day), take a sabbatical, i was really hurt. i thought i was the one who you could spend time with during your breaks. apparently you didn't think so, cos you told me you didn;t have time at all in that phone call... well, i'm still recovering from a broken heart. whenever i see how overfriendly you are on twitter, (you seem to be super active), yeap it hurts as well which was why i unfollowed you. then i was thinking, did you really say that you have no time as an excuse, because you no longer want someone like me? well i took what you said literally. i thought i should leave you alone to study. but in the end, you seem to take so many breaks. why did you tell me you were no longer active on twitter etc and you're mugging v hard to meet everyone's expectations?

i hope i'll get some answers today.. maybe you're really a jerk, maybe you aren't. all i know is i was in love with this amazing guy 9months ago. does he still exists today? i want to know how he could just let 9 months fade into nothing but a memory. i want to know if i'm that useless and insignificant in his life. i went to bed at 11 last night, and i couldn't sleep till 1. i need some answers love.

a friend said "if it's true love, don't ever let it go." i guess all to you wasn't true at all.

i just realized today is the 7th, 10 months since you made me feel really special on that fateful night. haha 10.25pm.

this will probably be th last time i'll be writing here... wish you all the best mighty jj!

that day i said i had a good dream, cos in the dream you told me you love me.

haha, but it was just a dream.

27/5/11

i cried so hard the whole of yesterday..., whenever i got alone. and whenever my parents were around i had to wipe all the tears away.

because you didn't try to keep me at all. you left everything up to me, because you no longer really want a say in this? i take it as you don't really wanna be back together anymore.. i wished you would stop telling me you don't know. i wish you told me you want to be with me, you wanna talk to me. i wish you told me everything we had was real.

if only... then we wouldn't be like this.

ive been wondering whether youve got back your report book... and how's your results? and your brother's graduation ceremony? how are you doing? did you ever feel like talking to me?

without you, i'm miserable at best.

26/5/11

so i told you we should stop talking on a daily basis. my friend said if we continue like this, we're just like what we used to be, a couple.

my other friend told me once we stop doing that, we'll fade away in each other's life, and it would be very difficult for us to get back together again.

i wanted to hear from you, you said you don't know once again. you always leave me hanging love. i felt really sad when i left you the last text, that's sort of the end of us already don't you get it?

once the feeling of sadness is gone eternally from my heart, that's when i would have already moved on. and it's a great shame, like my friend said. i feel really awful.

25/5/11

i forgot when was the breakup! but were you crying that night? heard you sniffing. glad i called you really, cos i could sense something rather wrong in your texts. we ended it amiably though, which is good!

saw you in the canteen today, haha my friend was wondering why you didn't pat me on the head this time like you always do. so i told her we broke up, and she was pretty shocked, just like zc. and she said we were a perfect couple, and it was so wasted to separate due to studies. i never knew haha, yajun said that we were perfect too. i don't know what perfect means. but i guess all good things have to end.

so i went out with yj, and she told me to stop msging you if we're just friends only. which is true actually. friends don't really text all day, it's rather wrong. what are we exactly?

anywayy, wished i could see you play bball during interhouse today. but i'm no longer who i am last year! hope the h20 brings back some memories.

9/5/11

haha i'm really awfully stupid sometimes. i know the past makes me unbearably sad. yet i scrolled back to the tweets he twitted to me around 100-200 days ago. it was really sweet. haha i should have treasured those moments.

i "giving away my macbeth notes!"
j "i want"

i "hello :D"
j "hi :D"

i "only babies take naps!"
j "really meh I thot u always take naps :D"
i "haha why go and reveal my secret!"
j "haha baby"

j "listening to songs is such a joy :D"
i "not having to study is such a joy!"
j "Hello you keep running and running leh!"

i miss you.

was really hurt you chose to go out w your friend today instead of me. thought you were a big advocate of solving problems face to face with me. maybe this time you can't be bothered to.

regarding emotional connectivity... i'm willing to tell you everything really except a deep dark secret. everyone has one. but it just kills me.

the whole day i was just trying to not think of you. successful to a certain extent. but it just bugs me horribly now. is it so hard to tell me you wanna talk to me?

sometimes people choose not to leave because of selfish reasons. But they know that things will get worse if they stay. I know, things are getting worse indeed.

Now thinking of solutions..

LDR( long distance rships) are sustained bcos both of the parties set aside time to talk to each other via webcam or sth every night. Text messages i feel are counter-productive towards your studies. Why nt just focus the entire day and talk to me once a week or something? I dont understand why you have to be so unreceptive..

If you can't accept how I want our rship to be (i.e. be connected more via phone calls), then i guess i can't accept it as well. I won't be happy without you. But I won't be happy with you either.

Yeah. problems aside, i miss you love. and i wish you didn't change so much.

isn't it all coming abit too late? you said we had no emotional connectivity from the start. WHY ARE WE IN A RELATIONSHIP? i feel extremely deceived. and disappointed.